The Broken Dick Production’s Handbook of Easy Home Repairs

 

Atauloma in Afao

Rule 1:            If it ain’t bugging you, ignore it.

Rule 2:            Given the transitory nature of our times, our culture, and our personal lives, more than basic maintenance is not deemed cost effective.

Rule 3:            If part of a couple, best to do what must be done together. Then you can equitably share the blame.

Rule 4:            When possible repeat glaring fuck-ups. It will make them look intentional, perhaps something cutting edge.

Rule 5:            Do not spend money on tools! If you don’t already have the basics, you’ve been institutionalized. What you don’t have you can borrow from somebody. Never rent power tools! Your insurance will never cover the damages. If the job requires a tool you don’t know the name of, hire someone else to do the job.

Rule 6:            Adhesives are good. Stockpile as many types of tape, glue, goop, superglue, and liquid cements as possible. (Adherent exception to Rule 5: If you don’t already have a good industrial staple gun, borrow one and pretend to have lost it. Buy staples.)

Rule 7:            Pretend you’re an artist, a primitivist. That new hole in the ceiling is an invitation to invent a new genre of expression.  You are not a Victorian. Let your domicile speak for you. Would beauty be beautiful if there was nothing else? Remember, this is not your mother’s house.

 

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